The Deafening Silence

I had a dream….

August 17, 2014
goofy night
goofy night

Prior to last night I’ve only had 2 dreams about Evan that I remember. Dreaming was VERY key in our relationship as we often had the same or similar dream. So after he passed I naturally assumed we would continue our active dream work/life. Not so fast. I had 2 dreams within the first month and then nothing. Until last night. And it’s funny because I had gone out last evening to hear my friends Fred & Danielle’s acoustic duo. They are pregnant with a baby girl that Evan and I predicted. Danielle and I were talking about Evan and she asked if I’d had any dreams. I sighed and said “Every night I ask him to come in my dreams but he never does”. Well last night he did! It’s a pretty interesting dream.

I was living much as I am today-knowing he died. Knowing he’s gone and missing him. And I forget the details but he’s suddenly very much alive and there. I’m freaked because I don’t know whether to tell him he died and about his heart. We have a beautiful reunion and he’s out of the room. I’m still worried. He comes around the corner and I know that we are about to repeat his heart issue and I grab him. We fall to the ground and I’m saying all the things I never had the chance to say in real life. “I love you, it’s going to be ok, I’m here…I’ll meet you on the Otherside one day” and he hears me and responds. But then he doesn’t die. It shifts and we are in the house and all these people are here-some of his family, mine, friends. I am amazed. He looks different. His hair was super short and he glowed. Very beautiful….but very alive.

I’m standing by him and I’m thinking “He’s got a chance now” and I tell him “Babe, call your Dad. Right now. Call your Dad. He needs to hear from you.”

Then it shifts again and we are talking. He says, “I died didn’t I” and I said “Yes.” And I said, “What’s it like? Dying. Do you remember?” and he said “At first it’s just bright light” (he said more but my mind won’t tell me yet. grrrrrrr……)

Then the scene shifts again and all these people are trying to get him to go out and do things. Each time he puts a hand on me or around me and says “No, but thank you. This girl is my number one priority now and I’m not leaving her.” He said this many times.

That’s really the gist of it. Dreams are rarely what we dream. I don’t believe he was saying he is ONLY with me.┬áBut I came out of it feeling so loved and protected. He was telling me he’s right here and that he loves his family & friends and me. That he’s with us. I don’t believe they are with one person and not others-I believe they are with all that can feel them at once and they don’t leave. But it was a beautiful message to me of love.

Your loved ones ARE with you…they ARE there even if you can’t always feel it. Just quiet your heart and your mind and you’ll find them if you look.

-This is just the beginning…


#EWM333 #JTP