The Deafening Silence

Evan Insists on Red Dress, Blue Martini & Me Back In Music

May 10, 2014
Last night in the red dress Evan insisted I wear!
Last night in the red dress Evan insisted I wear!

After someone very very close to you passes away you find yourself trying to figure out what to do with your time. Evan was such a huge part of my day, hell my life! From his “Good morning sexy lady” (or something similar) ┬átext at 7:12 every single morning to his call around 10:30 as he’d be walking back from doing Olive Oyles nose over to where he made the Monsters at BeetleJuice (Universal Orlando-he was a special effects make-up artist). That call was funny…usually he was chatting with the squirrels (yes…seriously, the man could talk to animals!)

Then we’d text all day long about all kinds of things and at 4:34 he’d call me as he walked to his car after work. If it was a night we were hanging out we’d make plans and I’d head toward his place. If it wasn’t we’d text all evening and before bed he’d always text or call “Night baby…my arm misses you. Meet you at our tree.”

God I miss that. I miss a lot of things. Having that person so totally in your corner cheering you on. Sometimes when something happens that is big for me I just want to tell him. I have to remind myself he already knows. But it’s hard.

I don’t watch his videos every single night like I did at first. But I still do. I do listen to archives of Cosmic Caffeine every night and often in the car. There are so many amazing gems in there! He said things that looking back were SO profound and today they speak to me so clearly. I’m so grateful for that! It’s like he left a roadmap for me to follow.

Which brings me to last night. I’m sitting home, no plans and trying to figure out what I want to do…feeling really sad. All of a sudden I feel Evan and hear him say “Get dressed up and go to Blue Martini”. Huh? I haven’t been there in years and years. “Why?” I asked, of course. “Just go woman”. lolol. Great. And he proceeded to tell me to wear the red dress he bought me and the last pair of heels he picked out for me. So I did.

My buddy Crys called just as I was drying my hair (he’s got a huge spiritual bond with me) and I’m thinking “Great! Evan called in reinforcements.” And I was right. He proceeds to tell me I BETTER do it. lol. Says he’s got Evan and The Boys hanging out telling him to make me go.

Lovely. I went.

As I walk into Blue Martini the FIRST person I see is one of my good friends! Sitting alone-there to see the band. I haven’t seen him in over a year. He never saw me blonde in person if that tells you anything lol. So we hang out for a few hours and I meet the band, etc.

It dawns on me pretty fast why I was there. I’m supposed to get more involved in the music scene in Orlando-and probably with my daughter, Gina. Eventually with Jaden too. They are both very talented! Evan LOVED that I was a singer/songwriter. He was my biggest fan-always at my gigs, taking pictures, setting up equipment, grumbling lol. I’d placate him with wings and a beer. It was awesome. After he passed one of his best friends and ex girlfriend (and now MY friend!) Millicent told me that Evan always wanted to date a singer. So he’s still making sure I do.

So after I was home in my new comfortable bed I smiled and thanked Evan for making me go. It was HARD to walk in there all alone. But I did it. Another first in my series of firsts. And I met some great people. Ran into several old friends and just had a great time.

Thank you Evan and The Boys for reminding me that I’ve got living to do!

This is just the beginning… #EWM333