The Deafening Silence

Swedish Fish, Waffle House & Everything in 3’s

April 8, 2014

1533942_10202819357382108_1853811075_nEvan had a sweet tooth. No, seriously this one required intervention. Every time I’d show up at his place and actually any time he showed up at mine he’d have this little plastic bag from Universal Studios (where he worked). Like most things with Evan this little bag had a ritual. He’d pull it out from wherever he’d hidden it and shake it a couple times with an impish grin that only Evan has. He’d say something to the effect of “Look what I haaaaaaaave!” Oddly HE was the one with the sweet tooth but that little bag made me smile big every time and roll my eyes as I’d say “hmmmm, let me guess-I AM a psychic after all.” Then the game was for me to figure out what was in the bag. It was so cute and it could be anything-although he had his favorites.

Most times there were Swedish Fish because they were my favorite, chocolate covered pretzels-his favorite, gummy worms (seriously that’s just gross, we aren’t 5), peanut butter M&Ms and any other assortment of candy you can imagine. We’d sit on the couch or lay on the bed and Evan would rule the candy bag. This in turn caused all kinds of rebellion from yours truly. I’d try to put my hand in the bag and he’d pull it back looking like I just peed on the bed. Then he’d reach in and offer me ONE of something. Now I said in an earlier blog that Evan was a big time OCDer…and he was, but I have my moments and one of them is 3’s. I like things in 3’s. Always have ever since I can remember. So he knew handing me one would drive me nuts. I’d try to snatch the bag-that never worked..have you SEEN his biceps? Then in a fit of desperation I’d wet my finger and stick it promptly in his belly button or ear-whichever was closer and unguarded. He HATED that. We’d laugh until we couldn’t laugh anymore, sometimes hours! But we laughed.

It wasn’t until after he passed away on March 2, 2014 and I knew his spirit left his body at 3:33pm (listen to this episode to understand how I knew, seriously why do I have to keep telling you that. Go ahead. I’ll wait.) that i realized and remembered my obsession with 3’s. He always found a way to make me smile.

Every Sunday morning Evan had a tradition for probably 10 years to head to his local Waffle House, the one by the big orange in Kissimmee and hang out with the awesome staff there. Nate and Barb were his favorites. It took a few months into our relationship before he brought me one Sunday and I fell in love. Never cared for WH before that. Seriously? No. But there was just something special about THIS one. So after that we’d wake up on Sundays (we stayed at his place most Saturday nights-even when we were just best friends) and head to WH. The energy was so amazing. We’d walk in and instantly they’d all start saying “Hi Evan & Jamie!!!!!” Whole staff. We felt like the rockstars of Waffle House. We got in the habit of taking our “Sunday Morning at WH” picture and post it for our fans. It was so much fun.

The last morning of Evan’s life I’d returned from a cruise I’d taken for my daughter, Gina’s 18th birthday. We couldn’t wait to see each other. I drove straight to his house after getting home around 10:45. The last text I ever sent Evan as I drove to his place was:


To which he replied:

“Yes it is…..:-)”


We loved numbers and numerology. So it’s really fitting that he chooses to say hello and announce his presence to those that love him via numbers. Last night I was driving my daughter, Jaden and 3 of her friends (haha 3) home from play practice and we were talking about some of the cool things Evan does-specifically last night as Gina was auditioning for the BeetleJuice show-he played “Happy” for the impromptu dance portion.¬†That’s a song Evan sends a LOT beginning with the first day after he passed. The girls were curious. As we were talking I was at a stop light and posting something on Facebook in reply to a post Evan’s brother Eric had made to me. As I typed the last word “happy” the song “Happy” came on the car radio.¬† I smiled and told the girls. They were intrigued. Just then the radio read out display as it cycled through the artist’s name, station, etc. it displayed the word “Love” and it stayed there for awhile. I’m like “Um…why does it say love?” and we laughed as I said, “See? That’s Evan!” but wait…there’s more.

The next song to come on the radio was one I didn’t know but caused a squealing fit in the car (love teen girls!) and as I look at the dash again the word “Trees” is displayed. Trees? Really? That’s our symbol. The tree. I tell this to the girls and we examine the song title, artist, everything but no one can figure out why the word “Trees” is there. Now they are paying attention. That word stayed there 3/4 through the song and as we pulled in the neighborhood of the first girl someone said “Wow. Trees is still there!” I then said out loud,

“Ok Evan-you can change it now.”

The second I said “now” it changed! They were amazed and one girl said “Look-it’s 8:23”

It changed to “With A”. Huh? Love. Trees. With A. Hmmmm….was he saying he’s with his best friend Art? With my dear friend Amy who was brutally murdered by her ex husband in 2005? I don’t know. But he was definitely saying something!

Yeah-he’s around and he lets me know it all day long and I’m so grateful for that connection. Like I said in yesterday’s blog it’s not the same. This is a new Evan that I’m getting to know. New Evan doesn’t get pissed in traffic or purposely fart into the fan just to freak me out or feed Peeta pancakes when no one is looking. This Evan loves us. I say us because it’s true. From the beginning of our friendship and subsequent relationship we were public with all of you as we were instructed to be. So many of you watched all year as we tried to figure out what we were to eachother. In the episode of Cosmic Caffeine I fell asleep to last night-near the end (I think it was last March) Evan talks about us. What we are/were at that time. Best Friends. Twin Flames. He told the caller that we didn’t date for that year because he didn’t want to lose me as a friend. I understood that…but I didn’t like it. Looking back it was perfect. We developed a non-physical relationship that was so strong I don’t think anything would have ever come between us. So when we started dating Nov. 27, 2013 there was just a solidity that you don’t normally have in the beginning.

I wrote a song called “If I Could” many years ago. It’s about a parent that loses a child. But now when I hear it one of the lyrics sticks in my mind:

“If I could gaze into your eyes you know I would
I’d do it all again
The pain the joy and then
I’d do it all again
If I could”

So baby…I’d do it all again-everything fun-everything not so fun. I would because you are the one person that knew me best. The one guy I loved that never once tried to hurt me. You are my best friend and I miss you. But I trust that there is a plan in all of this. And who knows…maybe our story will help others heal from their own losses. And maybe that makes it worth it.

This is just the beginning… #EWM33