The Deafening Silence

My New Normal

April 12, 2014

1016571_10203092115560892_44986430_nIts funny when you lose someone how the little things you never really paid much attention to become paramount. Huge. Like the different days of the week. I can relate each day to something I shared with Evan. Monday. His day off. He was always at my place because he’d stay after we did the show Sunday night. We’d wake up and talk and he’d head home to do whatever tasks awaited him. We’d text all day. Tuesday. Tuesday was flexible. If I didn’t have anything going on I’d head to his place around 5 and we’d go eat and then watch FaceOff and other shows we loved. Wednesday middle week. I’d listen to him bitch about work and we often planned things out and about on Wed evenings. Social or work things. Thursday was almost 100% me at his place. Friday nights we’d have dinner and usually go to Old Town and browse the shops and get new stones. He was always passing them out to people to aid them in their spiritual journey. If you are lucky enough to have one…hang on to it! Saturday after he got off work was US night. We did all sorts of things. Parties with friends during the holidays, things Universal had going on for employees, escape to the beach overnight, you name it. And of course Sunday morning Waffle House and the Farmers Market then dinner with the crew and our radio show at 7. After that Walking Dead with popcorn (with way too much salt) and Peeta. And I loved it.

So when that person is gone you have to figure out what your “new normal” is. For me, I don’t think I really know yet so I try on new things. Last night, for example was Friday night. I was alone at home until about Midnight. I cried at first thinking how much I wished I were at his house but then I decided to see what I could do that would feel good to me. I ordered chinese food and hung out with the pets watching TV and playing Candy Crush. Honestly? It was a lovely evening and I was sorry to see it end. Cool! 2 years ago I would have hated that. Who knew.

Thanks to my friend Karen Wyatt, M. D. and her incredible work with the grieving process, I’ve learned that you must allow grief to change you– and its so true! Hanging onto the past wishing it were back again does no good and only hurts us. Now I REMEMBER the past and the wonderful memories all the time with a smile and sometimes a tear but I quickly begin to look around me and pay attention to the NOW. I invite Evan to join me and I do what brings me happiness.

Like today. My friend Dr. Mark (the best Chiropractor EVER) is calling the dealership where I found the Jeep I want to get me a deal. I’m going to go get my new car. I’m sad because Evan was going to do all that with me and for me (I can’t cut a deal ever! I’m a pushover). So yes, it’s bittersweet but I just remind myself that he IS with me and he sent and angel in Dr. Mark to fill his shoes. I am grateful!

Like my blog on the series of firsts, grief is also about finding YOUR new normal. Today find something that you don’t normally do-something that feels yummy and DO IT. Go have coffee at the local coffee shop, walk your dog someplace you never have before, walk on the beach or by the water near you, see a play or a concert with friends, hug a total stranger, laugh until it hurts…but do SOMETHING to begin to create that new normal life. And remember they ARE right there with you! You aren’t doing it alone…you are just doing it differently. I promise.

So I’m hopefully off to get my new Jeep Compass (yay!) and then I’m headed out to drinks and possibly dinner with my friends Doug & Sherry and some people they are hanging out with.

Here’s to YOUR New Normal my friends…make it a good one!

This is just the beginning… #EWM333