We go through life. Some things feel SO good to us and we run toward them. Some feel not so good and we hi-tail it out of there as fast as we can! This keeps us from getting ourselves into situations that aren’t going to turn out well for us. This is a good thing! They call it “Pleasure vs. Pain Principle”. You touch a hot stove, you instantly pull your hand away to keep from being burned. You touch a kitten and the fur is soft and silky so you keep petting. Makes sense. It’s how we were designed!
Now. All my life I’ve followed this in-born guideline. But it’s recently changed with an amazing revelation I had after Evan passed away. See pain (especially emotional pain) is really scary. It’s like there’s this big giant wave inside you just waiting until you let your guard down to pounce and devour you! Well, at least it feels that way. And we are afraid of it. Very afraid. Each time I had to face something new after he died I was so scared. I don’t even really know why now-looking back. But I was. Like I’ve talked about in a few earlier blogs, I decided in the first couple of days after he died that I wasn’t going to let fear consume me or keep me from my healing. Each time I faced a new first I squared my shoulders, grabbed a Kleenex and faced it head on. And every single time I found that there was so much peace and love and healing right around the corner after I did! EVERY TIME.
So this got me to thinking about all of you. So many of you come to me as clients in pain. Some suffering physical pain, others emotional-but pain is pain. And the common denominator was that most of you are or were stuck. Losses from 10 years ago are still in you as though they just happened, yet in 44 days I’ve processed a HUGE amount of mine. Sure, I’m hurting and every day is different, but it’s not consuming me-and I’m not going to let it because I’ve learned the secret.
YOU MUST ALLOW GRIEF TO CHANGE YOU (Karen Wyatt, M.D.)
Such a simple but powerful statement! But how do you let grief change you? This is what I’ve learned this past 6 weeks. As I come to something hard, painful and frankly that I don’t want to go anywhere near, I decide that I’d rather jump in and feel it then be afraid of it.
I had coffee with my dear friend and co-host on Cosmic Caffeine, Mitchell this morning at his beloved Starbucks. As we talked he made a simple statement that I made him repeat several times. He said,
“What would you do if you weren’t afraid?” (might be wording it differently than he does-but the point is the same)
What if you weren’t afraid? What if you couldn’t mess up? What if EVERYTHING were bringing you to a beautiful place filled with light? How differently would you live???? The answer is VERY differently.
So grief has changed me profoundly. I’ve learned not to let fear govern me. My heart may be pounding but I’m going to face it. Every time. And you know what you find out? That big crashing wave of emotion never really comes. Sure, you will get emotional and cry and pour it all out-yep. But you don’t stop being. You don’t stop breathing and once it’s out? You have this gorgeous place of peace and self-confidence you never knew existed!
So what are you avoiding dear one? (yep…that thing that just slammed into your mind) GO DO IT RIGHT MEOW! Call that friend that is angry with you, call that person that is threatening you in some way-or even just offer them a good dose of loving vibrational energy. We are all in this journey together and no one said it was going to be easy.
I love you. Just wanted to tell you that.
This is just the beginning…. #EWM333